“Please sir, can I have some more salary?” – said no smart worker ever.
After my dad’s burial in 2022, I found his last paycheck from 2009 as a bank manager. Basic salary? A modest ₦200,000. His actual take-home? A whopping ₦850,000 monthly!
The math ain’t mathing? Let me break it down:
- Furniture allowance
- Health insurance
- Newspaper allowance
- Pension contributions
- Life insurance
- Wardrobe allowance
- 13th month bonus
Even in the UK in 2023, my “leave bonus” (also called ‘13th month’) was £550/week for 3 weeks (£1,150). Meanwhile in Nigeria, they tell you that you’re working overtime for “exposure” and “experience.” Make it make sense.
And Nigerian politicians? Their “salary” is a hilarious N300k monthly, but their allowances & bonuses? It will make you fear God.
HOW MILTON FRIEDMAN SCAMMED AN ENTIRE GENERATION
Like I have posted in the past, the economist Milton Friedman declared in 1970: “Companies exist ONLY to make shareholders rich.” Workers? LOL. Suffer in silence.
And just like that, bonuses evaporated, job security died, and ‘contract staff’ became corporate slang for “we own you, but we won’t pay you.”
[Fun fact: Companies like Amazon, Apple, and JPMorgan (through the Business Roundtable) finally woke up in 2019 and abandoned this toxic Babylonian mindset. But many Nigerian employers? Still running the 1970s playbook like it’s gospel.]
YOUR RIGHTS (AKA Things Your Boss Hopes You Never Google)
As we just celebrated Workers’ Day, I compiled your anti-scam checklist:
- NO CONTRACT? NO WORK. (Unless you enjoy being paid in “exposure” & ‘’experience’’.)
- A SAFE WORKPLACE. (If your office has more hazards than a Nollywood action scene, sue.)
- MINIMUM WAGE. (it’s called “minimum” for a reason. If your pay is less, that’s not a salary—it’s charity. And you’re the donor.)
- OVERTIME PAY (OR EQUITY). (Pro tip: No cash? No problem. Ask for equity instead. If your boss says, “We’re family,” demand shares. Families inherit wealth.
[Note: Your boss can pay you in the form of EQUITY/SHARES if he/she claims to not have the cash for overtime pay. Personally, as a start-up founder, I subscribe to giving shares to my early employees for upsetting their “work-life balance”, as long as they deliver value.]
- PAID LEAVE (OR CASH IT OUT). (If you haven’t taken leave since 2019, you’re not an employee—you’re a hostage.)
- LEAVE BONUS. (Yes, it’s real. No, your boss won’t tell you.)
- PENSION & GRATUITY. (Because working until death isn’t the flex you think it is.)
- NO SUDDEN FIRINGS. (Fair warning and hearing before they can show you the door…unless your boss wants a lawsuit with their morning coffee.)
STOP THE NONSENSE
Going on strike for “salary increase” but ignoring allowances & bonuses? That’s like protesting for more Garri while they’re stealing your soup. Yes, chasing salary alone is like eating plain bread. Fight for the full meal deal, or starve on their terms.
Stop marching with NLC/TUC for basic salary increases that politicians have already sabotaged behind closed doors. Start demanding the allowances and bonuses they’ve quietly stripped away.
Know your worth. Ask for a contract before you start working, spelling out what you expect from the employer and what you will deliver in return.
And remember: you’re not disposable – you’re essential to their success. The next time your boss tries to make you feel “lucky to have a job,” remember that they’re lucky to have YOU.
THE BOTTOM LINE: ALWAYS CHASE VALUE, NOT JUST CASH. Never forget that fiat currency is basically fancy Monopoly (board game) money anyway – both printed out of thin air, not backed by Gold/anything real.
Happy (belated) Workers’ Day. Now go get what you actually deserve.
-Dr. Siji
(Because someone has to say the quiet part out loud.)
